Mr Monk and the New Girl
by Miss Ann Peek
Summary: Monk and his friends meet a very special woman named...Mary Sue. Please, please, please review.
1. Chapter 1

_A/N More below-average fic from you're favorite parody writer. This will be an ongoing story. This is a new type of fic for me. Please be patient. I lovingly call it: _

Mr Monk And The New Girl

Part 1: Meet Mary Sue

by Ann Peek

Her name was Mary Sue Peek, and she was only 29 years old when she first met them, the people she would come to dearly love. They were the first people in a long time who truly could understand her deepness, and who she would ever consider to be "true friends". Especially him, because he was her one true love. She knew she could never share a life with him, but she could share this part of it with him.

Mary Sue was 5'8" of toned muscle. She had olive skin and auburn hair which was cut into a smart bob, and green eyes with gold flecks in them. Her feet are tiny, her legs are smooth and shapely and besides that she had a nice rack. Not too big and not too small. Pert and perfect - they were quite a pair.She also had a difficult time making friends and her wealthy family in the Pacific Northwest just didn't understand her, and so she felt alone in San Fransisco. But that was before the day when her life changed.

She was only just adjusting to her move from Seattle, Washington when she met "the gang". She had tried to stay in the background, but a perilous situation during one of Adrian Monk's summations escalated into minor gun-play and some heroics on her part, during which she, in a moment of quick thinking, tackled Lt. Disher to the ground, protecting him from a stray bullet. After they hit the ground, she gazed at him while he was still a little stunned. When his eyes opened, he looked at her with sky blue eyes, and she was smitten. She smiled at him, and he groggily smiled up at her. That's when a moustached man she would soon come to adore more than her own father, approached and asked if he was interrupting something, and she suddenly realized that she was laying on top of a total stranger...and that she was kind of enjoying it.

As they stood, he said, "Hi. I'm Randy Disher."

"Lt. Mary Sue Peek." she said, and :held out out her hand to him. "Pleased to meet you."

Captain Leland Stottlemeyer, came around again, saying, "Are we going to do some police work any time soon?"

"Yes, sir." They both said, a little sheepishly.

TO BE CONTINUED

Please leave: a review, feedback, nonsense verse, veiled threats...whatever. Really, I don't care. I want numbers for this baby. I'm not giving you high concept. I'm not giving you a parody of fic.. I'm giving you straight Monk fanfic, Mary Sue style. Keep coming back and please keep reviewing. Review early and often. Stay tuned for Suspense, Romance, Explosions, Superheroes, Magnificent Chocolat-y Desserts, and a Dark Secret that will break yer li'l hearts.


	2. Chapter 2

Mr Monk and the New Girl

Pt.2 Mr Monk and the Storyteller

by Ann Peek

The next Wednesday afternoon, as Mary Sue was typing up a report she noticed Randy step out of Stottlemeyer's office along with Stottlemeyer, Monk and Natalie Teeger.

She had noticed that, even though their desks were across the office from each other, they each still managed to find a reason to come over and be near one another, even though their interaction never went much beyond a "hi." and reaching for the coffeepot at the same time stage.

As the gang came into the bullpen, Natalie said." He claimed that he loved her, why did he let her walk into a raid? If he had warned her, she wouldn't have been killed."

Captain Stottlemeyer replied, "But she would have had to leave the country with his roommate."

"And he said that he thought that they might be having a," he lowered his voice and finished, "sex affair."

"So you're saying he set her up? Why would anyone do that?" Natalie asked.

Mary Sue said, almost before she could stop herself, "It reminds me of a story my grandma told me when I was still young and impressionable. "

Everyone turned to look at her in shocked silence, and she began to speak. "Let's see. Um, it starts: a long, long time ago a semi-barbaric king built a stadium. He used it as a sort of cosmic courtroom. When people were accused of a crime, they were put into the arena and had to choose between two doors. Behind one door was a wild, hungry tiger. If the accused picked this door, he was obviously guilty and eaten by the tiger. That was it initial entertainment, but then there were professional mourners and they turned it into a huge funeral-party. On the other hand if the accused was not guilty, or as they used to say, "innocent", he would find, behind door number two, a beautiful, virginal girl who was suited to his age and status, and hand picked by 'people who know'. If he chose door number two the couple were married on the spot and there was a wedding-party. The people loved it. Well, it seemed the semi-barbaric king had a semi-barbaric daughter. She fell for a handsome, intellegent and brave youth whose only strike against him was that he was a commoner. The king found out about it, and the young man was accused of the crime of falling in love with a woman above his station, who happened to be the kings beloved daughter. So he had to face the lady or the tiger. The princess loved the youth and would rather have him to marry another woman if it would save his life. She even had the idea to give him a little hint and find out which door the tiger was behind. On the fact-finding mission, she learned that the lady in question is a rival of hers, one that she hated with all her heart. She also seemed interested in her lover. The kings daughter had even seen them talking briefly together. She didn't know what about, but she was suspicious of it . She spent the night agonizing over her decision. Would it be better for the youth to die quickly and for them to be together in whatever eternity awaited them, or for the youth to marry a woman she hated and to see them, happy together for the rest of their lives while she herself was miserable. So, on the day of reckoning, the youth- who had no idea what the princess knew, bowed in honor of the semi-barbaric king. As he did this he looked to the princess to see which door he should pick. She surreptitiously pointed to the door on the right. He walked confidently towards the door and stretched out his hand to open it."

Then Mary Sue was silent. The whole office had gathered around to hear the story.

"So, which came out of the door?" The Captain asked. "The lady or the tiger?"

"What's the solution?" Natalie asked.

Mary Sue shrugged."I only said that the story sounded similar, not that it would answer your question. In the story there is no solution...That's the part of it that I hated."

"Thanks". The Captain snorted. "C'mon, Randy. Natalie, meet us at 4th and Valencia. We've got to talk to the girl's brother. "

Natalie and Monk left the office, and the rest of the detectives got back to work.

"I thought it was a great story." Randy said.

"Thanks."

Captain Stottlemeyer was waiting at the door. "Lieutenant, I'm leaving."

"It was very engaging." Randy added. "You should write a book."

Mary Sue smiled. "I think it's already a book."

Captain Stottlemeyer, from the door, said in an outside voice. "RANDY!"

"I was actually wondering if you would you like to go out for coffee or something?" Randy asked. "After work?"

Captain Stottlemeyer put his had on the lieutenants shoulder and whispered, "We've got to go now," and began to drag Randy out of the office.

"Yes!" Mary Sue called after him. "I'd love to."

End Chapter 2

a/n Is The Lady or the Tiger a special key to this MarySue-fic or is this a "clever" ruse...

Come back next time for more.

A/N The Story "The Lady or the Tiger" is a short story written by Frank Stockton which is pretty much how Mary Sue portrays it, although the original version is MUCH BETTER. I recommend using our favorite search engine and reading it on line. It's six chapters long and well worth the read.


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